Small of back..
She loves his hands running down it…
That’s the weakness…
Men see it on her..
They stop, they look..
She smells like sex..
It drips off of her like a fine wine..
A woman’s body is like art…
It paints a perfect portrait..
Men appreciate what they see, when it’s something they like…
I died for you.
Your love consumed me, devoured my thoughts… And I did the same to you from the moment you met me..
I wrote my last letter and left it on the table beside the bed where we made love, where we slept and shared dreams.. I saw your face as the blood began to slowly exit my veins and stain the sheets where passion once burned…. My heart began to dry up, I felt it beating slower and slower.. There was no life here, only death…
I placed my hands on my breasts and moved them inward, to the center of our problem.. I used my tired hands as tools and pulled my bones apart, I reached in.. Removed my heart from my chest, and laid it next to the letter that wore my bloody finger prints as designs.. You stood there.. It was almost as if you were in shock… Shock, that I could have loved you this much, but be so empty.. Lifeless. You watched the blood pour out of the hole in my chest… It was so hollow, the red was never-ending, it ran down the curves of my body and made a pool at my feet.. As I smiled at you, I fell to the floor, our love was doomed…
Your poor dark soul… You did everything you could to save me… But I was already dead when you found me many years ago…
We both knew this would happen, our home would become a tomb.
You carried my body to the bed… Your hands touched my cold skin.. Your lips, you couldn’t resist.. They needed to feel what was left of me.. As you got to the hole in my chest, you cried.. You placed your hand over it, and tried to cover it up…. But you couldn’t.. So you placed a red rose in it, and it turned to black..
I was catatonic and rotting, but still beautiful.. Always that.
I wanted you to live, find truth, beauty, love, happiness.. All the things the living have.. I hadn’t moved on yet, I walked this Earth wreaking of death and killing those near me… Fuck the afterlife… I was always defiant, that’s why you fell in love with me… But I didn’t want to hurt you.. You loved me beyond the stars in the sky..
We made love one last time… We were always sick and twisted, but drawn to each other in a powerful way.. Nothing could break this hell we inflicted on one another..
You awoke to find my body resting in its coffin and my heart beating on the table…. It was torture for such a tormented soul…. You found the scissors in the drawer, and you cut so deeply, no one could save you…. As I watched you bleed out.. I whispered to you… “No….. Please don’t… I don’t want you here… I don’t want this for you my love…” But you joined me here in my catatonic bliss anyway…
They laid us to rest on the same day… Those who knew us, said at least we had peace now.. But this was a love that never should have been.
Truth is out in the open.. Floating through the air like a deadly gas… His words spoken were lies.. But this doesn’t stop me from putting words on a paper.. This pen in my hand is my gun, and this ink taking the shape of words, is my ammunition.. Watch me as I shoot down the lame theories of love, and exsistence.. I’ll continue to speak my truths.. I’ll continue being real, cause after he woke me, there’s no turning back. But every once in a while, she bleeds through..
He knew me better than anyone else that’s crossed my path.. He loved me as if there was no tomorrow.. He held on to me with the fire in his heart, he put wings on me, gave me a name and made me fly when I didn’t think I could..
When the truth began to bleed through our restless souls, I watched from a distance as that fire began to burn out.. He turned the darkest shades of blue, and I became as cold as winter …….
As I lay here thinking of our mistakes, I begin to see that I placed more blame on his tired heart than it deserved to carry.. I never meant to hurt him nor did I mean to condemn him in all of his faults, especially when I carried plenty of my own.. I was no one to judge, yet I did and I will not forgive myself for that mistake..
When he found me, he knew that I was damaged.. He never really knew how badly… The ones before him shaped me to believe that no one could honestly love me, making me afraid of the love I felt for him.. I was afraid that if he knew truly how damaged I was, his love for me would fade away like a story from last year in The New York Times.. So I lied.. I lied about the other, the same as he lied about his other.. He gave me a chance to be someone different, the same option I gave him.. And we both passed each other by like ships on the sea, in the night…
So now every touch, every embrace, every word spoken, the good and the bad will remain on my withering soul like a grass stain worn on a summer dress.. And even as the silence between us grows louder and louder, to the point where we can no longer ignore the fact that space that was full of love, has seemingly become full of hatred or emptiness, I try to hold on to memories we made..
My true form, shined through only when I was with him.. Now that I have in turn with held the truth from someone I loved more than this life and the next.. I have nothing left to do, but to apologize… My love for that one man, transcends everything.. Heaven… Hell.. Marriages.. Lovers.. Friends.. I have no fear in this world after losing him..
Neither one of us was perfect.. But we were both at fault.. And while drowning in my pain, I forgot that..